How To Become Interesting

Being interesting will help you immensly in most conversations for a couple of reasons:

1.  Often when time starts progressing into a more advanced stage of the interaction people eventually run out of things to say or just naturally finish on a topic. What often follows is an awkward pause, most people try to avoid at all cost. A interesting person can embrace these pauses, save in the knowledge that there are a lot more questions to come his way.

2. Since you are the interesting part of the conversation, your counterpart will try to live up to your standarts and is in many ways reaction-seeking. As an example think about this: You’re sitting in a bar with your best mates and someone starts to talk about his amazing holiday he just had. He goes very in detail about his fun and pleasant expiriences. Notice how almost immediatly other persons start to respond by talking about their vacations, trying to impress the other person instead of asking futher about his story. Maybe you even feel the urge to tell everybody about your recent trip to Malaysia which of course was by far the coolest. But actually these people are the submissive part, since they are are reaction seeking and therefore outcome dependent, which makes for a pretty boring story. The fact, that people act submissive towards interesting people, puts those few in a priveleged position of higher value. They controll the course of the interaction without having to invest a whole lot.

So how is it that some people are just so amazing to listen to, whereas others can’t seem to get involved despite their fruitless efforts?

In alot of forums and blogs people suggest to be a good listener and talk about other peoples interest. While listening carefully and gathering knowledge is obviously a very important task, it shouldn’t go as far as talking about things you personally don’t find particulary interesting just to be polite and have the other person engaged in a conversation that only he/she enjoys.
In a conversation there are mainly two types of behaviour. There is the action-taker, who is creating initiative, leading the interaction and there is the submissive part that is mainly reacting. Well guess who will be the interresting person … it seems pretty intuative but so many people try to impress others in a conversation, ultimatly achieving the opposite. Talk about things you like, the most pleasant interaction for you will lead to a massive building of interest.
Don’t try to agree all the time and take everything they say for granted. If you ever had a conversation with a person that agrees to literally everything your saying and explains how cool that is and how much he had to do in this section as well, you know how frustrating a interaction with submissive people can be. Wouldn’t you much rather have a well rounded discussion? A two-sided conversation will always be more enjoyable than a one- sided.
On the other side of the spectrum however you have got people that know everything better and try to persuade their partners that they are right and that their opinions is the only one of value. This behaviour is reaction seeking as well since they search for your approval to their opinion and it is therefore really bad.
Lastly the tone of your voice is really important for an interesting conversation.Try to talk slow and use pauses, which create tension. When natural fast speakers first try to slow down their voice often they start becoming very monotonic, instead try to keep your natural flow and just adjust the tempo.
I hope this can help you to start becoming more interesting in conversations.

Advertisements

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s